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Who Wants to Be a Superhero
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Posted by jaygross
Comments: 3

So tonight I am flipping through the channels and I see Stan Lee (creator of Spiderman, X-Men, the Hulk, and so many more) on the Sci-Fi network. He's the host of the second season of Who Wants to Be a Superhero.

The timing is really good, as today is the beginning of the insane Comic-Con comic book and hero convention in San Diego. Even though I am not a huge comic book guy, I do love cartoon heroes and should make a trip to this show one day. The costumes, the characters, and delusional people would make it worth the price of travel and admission alone.

Speaking of cartoon characters, Manny Ramirez has crushed two homers and scored 4 runs as the Sox lead the Indians 14-9 as I type this. His first homer was a 481 foot bomb to straight away centerfield, 3rd longest ever at Jacobs field. Now I need to combine this with the news that the Yankee evil empire is losing 5-0 to the Royals - it's a beautiful thing when I can watch both of these things happening (on my TV and computer) simultaneously. This is even better than the classic 1980's wrestling matches on the MSG network last night, even though I do have a soft spot for Andre the Giant beating on Ken Patera. Enough about sports, back to the topic at hand.

So thousands of folks auditioned for the show in 11 different cities. Each needed to be in costume, have their own hero identity, and a back story about their character. Now these aren't 9-11 year old kids, these are all adults and many have children of their own. Ten were chosen to compete in various tasks to show they are deserving of being the winner - who gets to be immortalized in a comic book, have an action figure, and get to star in a made for TV movie on the Sci-Fi channel. I can just see execs at YouTube drooling for the chance to have such a cinematic masterpiece available.

So I think it is only fitting to introduce and comment on the particpants:

The Defuser:
He's a 38 year old police detective and father of three. He said he became a cop because it was the closest thing he could think of to being a comic book hero. The guy is in pretty good shape and knows how to take charge of a situation. Unfotunately his yelling gave me headache two minutes in. 

Ms. Limelight:
This 18 year old ditz makes Paris Hilton and Anna Nicole Smith look deep. She may not be too smart, but I do like her wigs. The highlght for her was when she looked right at an old lady trying to load her walker into a car, and decided to do nothing. She was in the final 3 to be eliminated, but hung on somehow. For those of you familiar with the NY club scene, I think she should be pole danicng at the the Limelight in the East Village rather than on this show.

Hygenia:
This housewife is the resident Queen of Clean. She's definitely on the unimpressive spectrum as far as exciting heros go. Her outfit is a black pleather french maid outfit and her weapon of choice is a feather duster. As long as we don't see the full body shot of her, I am OK with this look.

Whip-Snap:
I renamed her Captain CryBaby. She tripped and hurt her knee - so she cries. She let her team down on the mission - so she cries. She wasn't sure if she belonged - so she cries.

Pantheon:
The openly gay college professor with a shiny blue outfit and and cool cape. I have to give him props, as he had a great response when asked why he wanted to be a SuperHero - to be a good role model for kids.

Mindset:
Now you know there's a problem when every time I see a supposed hero he reminds me of Doctor Evil from Austin Powers. He's a fat, bald cashier who admittedly will need to use his brains instead of physical abilities. As much as I fighting the urge to totally trash this guy (his outfit would be great fodder), I feel like getting on this show is Mindset's one big break in life and it would be too cruel to bag on it.

Braid:
She's a former CIA agent who became a housewife. She throws on a technicolor wig that is as messy as it is tacky and as she is ugly. During one of the challenges she spent the whole time bragging about her powers rather than trying to investigate a theft. Stan was not too happy about that, and threw her off the show. Good call Stan and good riddons.

Hyper-Strike:
He's straight out of the circus, literally. Martial Arts and gymnastics skills are quite impressive, as this guy can jump, kick, and flip Jackie Chan style. This young kid brings energy and excitement, but he is cocky and can be incredibly annoying.

Mr. Mitzvah:
The name alone is priceless. He inherited millions in real life that has somehow contributed to his less than chipper personality. He is more anti-social than a mob informant in the witness protection program, the way he didn't want to interact with any of the heros. But he makes up for these shortcomings in my book, as he was the only one to recognize a destroyed lock with boltcutters in the theft challenge. Stan put him in the final three, although I would have spared him.

Basura:
She takes the expression Trashy Chick to a whole new level. Basura means garbage in Spanish. Her backstory is that she gets eveything she has from the trash and has a psychic link with insects (yes, she's obviously not all there). She goes on to say that her entire black leather-ish outfit (she is by far the most scantilly clad) came out of the garbage. I can't wait to see the inevitable Superhero death match between her and Hygena.

Now I have been going back and forth whether I should audition next year. The experience could be really fun, but everyone I know (including and especially my wife) will think I am completely insane. The taunting will be worse than Danny Ainge received on Draft night. Me in a cape and neon spandex would not be a pretty site at all.

So let's say I take the plunge and decide hero up. There are just so many topics I could design my alter ego around - card collecting, the Red Sox, being a computer geek, my anti-Yankee bias, my knowledge of lame TV and movies. I'm struggling here big time. Your suggestions are welcome, just don't embarass me too much - I beg you.



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